i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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