Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
