You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
