it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
