I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
