I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
