i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
