she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I smell stomach acid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
