I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
