Heybabeimwearingurpanties
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
