Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
