if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
