I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
