for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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