i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
