Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My vagina is officially offended.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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