Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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