fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
