we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's the barista slut.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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