I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
