I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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