She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
