yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
