Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
