As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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