I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
