I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
