i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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