i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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