So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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