Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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