At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
