Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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