I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
