Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
