i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
