did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
