Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
