if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
