I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
