girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
