I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
