Life is so much better after having sex.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
