My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
