I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
