My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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