Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
