The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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