Soap is not a condiment
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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