I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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