hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
